Wednesday, June 17, 2009

By labor we can find food and water, but all of our labor will not find for us another hour.

Time. Where do you go? Wait! Don't go so fast. These are my moments just slipping past.

If I were asked if I could have more money or time - it would have to be time. I am being robbed of my moments. I do not have enough time. I have too much to do. I have too much that I want and need to accomplish - just not enough TIME.

The hearing yesterday was rough. They told us to come at 8:30am - then sent us away - postponed it until 9:45am. We had to keep Trenton home from school to accompany us so he could watch the little ones. At 9:45 we returned and they told us that there was yet another delay and to wait in the lobby until called. Frustration and emotions running high. Stace waited outdoors with the 3 kids and I stayed in the locked facility that needed a person to lock and unlock the doors to the building each time you come and go.

I sat. I prayed. I gave Taylor and the hearing over to God. I asked for healing for my son in His name. I begged and pleaded with God - like a small child begging for ice cream or candy. After a very long hour spent in a cold, sterile lobby - never seeing a person come or go I was summoned. I called Stace and we were escorted onto the floor where Taylor is.

He looked agitated. He was angry. He said he wanted out of "this place" and that he wants to go to rehab - NOW. He wants what he wants on HIS terms. After all HE is 18. I explained that coming home with us was not an option. I needed more TIME. Time to raise money for his rehab. Things got heated - voices elevated. Frustrations flying through the air like fireworks.

We got through it. He is staying for 12 more days. The countdown begins. I have 12 more days. I was given TIME. Thank you Lord!

I am tired. I have 3 other boys to care for. I have end of school activities, 3 boys to register in their new schools - I have more forms to fill out for all 4 boys than what is required to purchase a home! I am getting writers cramp! There is money to be raised to fund Taylor's rehab, a house to clean, mountains of laundry to do, food has miraculously disappeared from my cupboards and toilet paper seems to have just walked away! I need time. More time.

I do not want the important moments to be stolen away from me. Moments that I can never get back. Time shared with my boys, memories to be made. How - how can I get the time? My body begs for rest. My eyes burn from lack of sleep. My body aches. My patience are hanging on by a thread. I feel exhausted. Pray for me. Pray for my endurance and strength. Pray that I can make the MOST of the little TIME that I have.

"The one who can drive themselves further once the effort gets painful is the one who will win."

On I go to accomplish, push on and conquer the day.
Blessings to you all.

PS - anyone who would like to write inspirational messages to Taylor can email them to me at: or mail them to our mailing address at:

Taylor Lindner
28715 Los Alisos Blvd
Ste 7-348
Mission Viejo, CA 92692

They feel that messages of encouragement will be beneficial in his treatment.