Fear...Faith...Fact...Fiction...

There are days that my FAITH is overshadowed with FEAR. Days where I long that the FACTS of my reality were indeed FICTION. I cling to faith even when there is but a shred there - or so it seems. I know tomorrow is another day and that I must find another way to cope with this thing called life. I know that there is something greater than I going on just beyond my reach. One day that greatness will belong to me. I just have to hold on and wait for that time.

We got a call a couple of days ago that there were some "bond" or low income properties that have come available. We have spent the past days going from one to another placing holds here and then there. Coming "home" to research elementary schools and middle schools so that I am educated in the decision making for what is best for my children. I have gone to about 8 properties and toured model apartments - albeit small, trying to envision making these 850 sq foot 2 bedroom places "our home". I have measured bedrooms to see if a 10 foot by 10 foot bedroom would hold a set of bunk beds and a twin bed for my 3 boys. I have taken the kids to see the different properties and have taken their opinions into consideration.

We got our hopes up - we got excited about making a "place" into a "home". But the facts are not fiction - my fear overtook my faith. I was told today that due to the eviction - we would not be able to qualify to rent ANY place from ANY property management company or apartment complex. Even though we can explain and have records to back that we have been good renters for 12 of our 20 year marriage and property owners for 8 of the years - that will not do. We are now looked upon like felons or child perpetrators. I was told that the "E" word was like saying "BOMB" in the airport.

So it is - our fate is sealed. We will not be renting an apartment, condo or home that is managed by a company. We have to pray that we can find a caring individual that knows us - our heart and our strong work ethic. For now - a hotel room is our home. That is the FACT I will deal with. Faith I will have that something will come - all in the right time. Happy about it? Not really. Ask yourself - do you take having a "home" for granted? Do your kids have their own space, do you have a room to retreat to? We did. We also took it for granted. You never know how great something is until it is gone.

So no matter what the space - we will appreciate having somewhere to call home when the time comes. We may have to move to Lake Havasu. My mom and dad have a home there - I have just not wanted to go back to the heat and schools there. Turner needs special education services and my kids are my main priority. I do not want Trenton exposed to a lax lifestyle of "bumming around and partying" which Lake Havasu is known for. I dream that he will want to go to college and become all that he can be.

Time will tell - perhaps years from now - we can look back and laugh about this journey - this time in our lives. I hope it is but a blip in the minds eye of my kids and that they will not suffer due to these trials.

I will keep you updated...

Blessings.
xoxo
Janean

Day 8 of my 31 Day Challenge...

Today I need a little dose of Faith...
I am growing weary of our situation. I have spent each day applying for jobs online then calling companies to just get the run around. I know the Lord has the perfect income source for our family and I have to rest in that hope and have faith. This is just so hard at times! Our finances are just next to nothing and we have all the utility bills due - AGAIN. Where do the days go? I just seem to get things covered and they are due again! Today, my challenge is to take time out to spend time with God. I challenge you to do the same. I am going to lay all my burdens and cares at His feet and let Him do what he does best. This is my last day off to get a LOT done. I work the next 3 days and for that I am thankful! I pray that I have lots of babies to photograph! I got 4 miles in yesterday and stuck to my food plan. Hopefully when I get weighed on Sunday I will beat Candy! We have a weekly challenge going! :o)

Today's Tid Bit...
I have never been a fan of "My Space" (sorry all you fans...). BUT recently I was invited to join FACEBOOK. I decided after all my friends kept after me to join that I would check it out. It is really neat! I have reconnected with a ton of old friends from high school, our old neighbors and friends from Church back in Missouri and even MY MOM has a Facebook! I have found family members and you can only be "friends" with people you choose to be!
Check it out! Hope to see you there!
F A C E B O O K

I took a leap of faith today and submitted an application at Kaiser Hospital for ANY available position that I may be suited for. Pray that I hear something...our finances are DIRE...

I also learned that as of January 1, 2009 we employees get to park in the far east lot and walk to the hospital. It is 3/4 a mile. No problem - I AM trying to walk more - so I was actually smiling at the security guard when he told me. (This threw him for a curve.) He said - "You look okay with this..." I told him - "No problem at all - I will enjoy the walk as long as it is not raining!".

I finished my shift and met up with Chloe and Megan. We had some girl time and then ate. I took another leap and tried Mediterranean food. I have never tried it and prayed that I could make a reasonable choice given my new weight loss plan. I had grilled salmon - it was delicious!

I am home now trying to warm up. The fog and misty day is a cool one - in the 40's. I know it could be worse! I took yet another leap and ate soynuts, dried cranberries and lemon almonds that they had at the hospital as my snack. I actually liked them all! Eating healthier is not such a bad thing if you just have an open mind!

Here are some facts on SOY NUTS: (they taste like peanuts or the almost popped popcorn kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bucket!)
From Dr. Wells...
As you know, I'm a big fan of whole soy foods because the phytochemicals (called isoflavones) they contain have been shown in hundreds of studies to help prevent heart disease and several forms of cancer. They firm the skin and help prevent wrinkles. Like other soy foods, roasted soybeans - known as "soy nuts" - deliver these health benefits, and they're a tasty and nutritious snack. A one-ounce serving (about one-quarter of a cup) amounts to 120 calories, 10 grams of protein and six grams of fiber. It also contains four grams of fat, three of them unsaturated. You can get roasted soy nuts flavored, salted and unsalted. Try tossing them into a salad for some crunch.

Take a LEAP today - it just may pay off!
P.S. I did take the stairs - I did not huff and puff either :o)