Friday, September 16, 2011

Something to hold on to...

Life for me is so unpredictable right now.  One day I think things are looking up and the next the world seems to be coming to an end.  I always thought that I was cut out to care for Children with Special Needs.  I do have a lot of patience, but dealing with my son's mental illness is proving to be so much more that I ever imagined.

He started taking a new medication via injection on Wednesday.  So far it is not going very well.  He has angry outbursts, paces around talking to himself, won't go to sleep at night and is ultra obsessive.  It is just completely unexplainable.  I prayed and am still praying that this medication will help his condition.  It just has to.  I do not know what else to do.

I cling to the fact that Jesus loves me more than I will ever know and that he died to know me.  I know this love.  I have it for all of my children.  I would gladly endure anything necessary to make the world right for them.  All I can do is pray for my son, which I do all day long.  When he is angry and yelling, I pray.  When he is confused, I pray.  When he is talking to "invisible people", I pray.  When he refuses his medications, I pray.  When his body is contorting in wild movements, I pray.

The financial challenges we are facing dwarf in comparison.  I can almost handle being evicted over the minute by minute watch I am on with my son.

I need you.  I need you to pray on my behalf.  This problem is so much bigger than I can even explain.

I have no answers.  Only God does.  So, I wait.  I hold on to the hope that there is an answer.