Monday, May 31, 2010

If Heaven Was Needing A Hero

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Spiritual Warfare

In preparation for our Mission Trip we were told to expect Spiritual Warfare.  I have seen it a time or two, have lived it on occasion.  It is very mighty and powerful and very real.  If you have never been through it first hand you may think I am a whack-o.  You see, when you are preparing to do something for the greater glory of God's Kingdom, the enemy wants to stop you at all cost.  

Members of our Mission Team are all undergoing these battles.  We can't let Satan win and expend useless energy on it.  We  must remain focused on our "mission" and forge on.  I have been reading a lot on this subject and came across this:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

This is what manhood is. This is what God is after. This is what he wants to make us in Christ. But the battle is not to become this kind of a man, for this is the kind of man Christ makes us when we follow him. The battle is to show it, to reveal it, to manifest what we are and thus to refuse to believe the lies that keep us weak and make us act like and animal rather than a man. Put on the whole armor of God, all that Christ is, pray, and having done all, stand!

I have learned in recent dealings that people may falsely accuse you.  People will misunderstand you.  I could choose to "fight the fight" or stand - silent.  God does not want me to waste energy trying to win battles, but rather rest in that He knows my heart and the truth.  I have a clear perspective, which I know comes from Him.  Yes, there are two sides to every story.  People forget this.  If my side is never heard, so be it.  No one is perfect and in all disagreements both parties make mistakes.  To quote someone who recently wrote me:   

"Do not be discouraged, just learn from your mistake and others... continue to have a forgiving heart and others will show you the same.  God is about unconditional love and forgiveness."

This is very true.  I can only pray that he molds my heart to have this forgiving heart and freely love and forgive unconditionally.

Battles can not be won with words.  Only in time will people see through action and deed who you really are.  It will be then that they can see your heart and see you for who God has created you to be.  We are forever evolving and changing.  We have to be open to learn from our hardships, take from them a lesson and change for the greater good.  If we do not learn we will be tested time and again.

I have a mighty job ahead of me.  The flaming arrows will come.  It is what I do with them that is the test.  Right now I choose to stand.  Stand firm in knowing that God sees the truth in all.  He is my rock and my fortress.  When any believer, even the newest and weakest, stands in the strength of Christ, puts on the whole armor of God, and, in dependence upon the presence of God in prayer, stands; the devil is always defeated.

Pray for our team members, or family and our friends as we all experience spiritual warfare each day.
Pray for us all to stand, as we know it is then that the devil is defeated!


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

43 days...

Well - here we are.  43 days until Trenton and I leave for RWANDA.  Today is the deadline to have the $8000 required for us to go, turned in.  

Yesterday I was blown away by the donations that came in.  People have touched me so deeply by helping us with our trip.  It is not about the amount of money donated - it is the fact that people actually care, and take the time to show it. 

It the hustle and bustle of our world today it is so easy to just let things slide by.  I know - I am guilty of this as well.  I always have good intentions but sometimes time gets away from me and I miss a deadline to help someone or attend something that I had wanted to.

Today, for example my husband accidentally messed up our clock.  He set the alarm WAY too early (in my humble opinion) and when the alarm went off at what was suppose to be 6:00 am - it was really 5:00 am.   I heard the radio announcer say "It's 5:02 am" and I said "WHY?!! are we waking up at this hour when Trenton's appointment is not until 8:00 am??"  Then in an effort to fix the clock - my husband grumbled and fumbled for an eternity, making it impossible to slip back into dreamland.

I tossed and turned and never got the extra 2 hours of much needed sleep.  I got up and over breakfast my youngest sneezes right into his cereal bowl showering he and his brother in milk!  After cleaning up that mess, we set off for school and as I am looking for a parking spot a small over exuberant child darts in front of my van.  

I swerve to avoid killing him {just what I did not need today} and clip the plastic bumper of a parked car sending the plastic piece flying.  I quickly find a spot and shuffle the kids out to go give the person my info.  Upon reaching where they were parked - I find them gone and the plastic piece laying in the road.  

Now what?  

Frustrated I head for home listening to a lecture from my 5 year old on how I should be more careful when driving.

So, you see - I know times are tough and people are busy.  That is why each and every dollar that has come in has meant so much!  I am so proud to announce that we have officially met our goal!!  God once again provided.  He touched just the right people and the money all came in!

I am now just working on collecting/earning $317 for our travel immunizations and then some money to purchase items we need to take with us.  I would also like to take some spending money for use in the country.  

BUT - this is small compared to the $8000 that we have worked hard to raise since last year!!  I feel so proud and a great sense of accomplishment!  I feel like each person who helped is going along with us in spirit!

God has more than met us half way lately.  I am always so amazed when He provides for our needs.  It is like Christmas.  I pray and He answers.   All in His time...that is the part we all have to grow accustom to.  Nothing happens when we want it to!  

Patience and Perseverance.  Two things I have grown to know well.

I love this quote:  "Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did."

So, today is a happy day.  We have met our trip requirement.  I have lost another pound.  I have food in my fridge.  I have patience and I have persevered.  I have hope and I have love in my heart!

Who could ask for more?
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Thursday, May 20, 2010


Last night in our Kids Small Group we taught a lesson on FORGIVENESS.  It was really great to see these innocent kids and their take on being forgiven and forgiving others.

We need to stop and ask ourselves - how forgiving are we?  

Do you harbor resentment or hold grudges against others?  Do you have broken relationships that need repair?

Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.  Is it easier to be forgiven than to forgive - you bet!

It's funny how we long to be forgiven but find it hard to forgive others.  Some people EXPECT forgiveness yet can not or will not forgive others.

Forgiveness plays a huge part in my sons recovery.  He has to forgive himself and allow us also to forgive him.  As his mother I can't help but to pardon him, as Jesus pardons me.  But we do not always feel this way with friends or loved ones.

I found the following on forgiveness:

In the New Testament, Jesus speaks of the importance of Christians forgiving or showing mercy towards others. The Parable of the Prodigal Son and the Parable of the unforgiving servant are perhaps the best known instances of such teaching and practice of forgiveness.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus repeatedly spoke of forgiveness, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” Matthew 5:7 (NIV) “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. 

First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV) “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25 (NIV) 

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.” Luke 6:27-29 (NIV) “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:36 (NIV) “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37 (NIV)
Elsewhere, it is said, "Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.'" Matthew 18:21-22 (NAS)

Jesus asked for God's forgiveness of those who crucified him. "And Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'" Luke 23: 34 (ESV)

The Christian statement on forgiveness is best demonstrated in the Gospel message itself, namely that the Godhead chose to forgive mankind not for their own merit, but by unmerited favor. Unlike other religions, a Christian's forgiveness is given because of Christ's sacrifice, and can not be obtained by any works done by the Believer.  

Out of the basis of this forgiveness, believers are motivated to forgive all debts because of their debt Christ forgave at His own expense.

So, let me ask you...who do you need to forgive?  Or, who do you need to ask for forgiveness from?

Once you allow yourself to do so it is then, and only then...that you will be set free.

Free your heart...and the rest will follow.  No one is perfect.  Especially me. 

{Taylor I hope you can forgive me for anything I have done to hurt you along this journey}


Monday, May 17, 2010

Unburden your heart

Oh!, to be able to live running through life with reckless abandon!

Being a kid again sounds pretty enticing right now.  Ask me, "How burdened is your heart?"  and I will have to tell you it's on overload.

I am guilty.  I am carrying burdens that are not mine to bear.  But as a mom, how can you not?

We had a home visit with Taylor yesterday and it was so stressful.  The severity of his mental illnesses were very clear.  He spent more time in turmoil and being upset, overly obsessed and attempting to control situations than he did smiling or enjoying "moments".  This weighs heavily on my heart.  I carry this burden.  He is MY child.  

I have to stop and think, that I am God's child.  If I feel this burdened over one of my own - how must he feel?  He tells me to come back to Him when I feel there is nowhere to run.  I have to do this.  I have to let Him carry my burdened heart.  I beg Him to fix my child.  Release him from the pain - be his refuge, his reason, his strength.  I need Taylor to find God.  

Taylor is in my heart.  He is ingrained, intertwined and connected to my inner being.  Yet, I can not fix him.  All I can do is watch when his world falls down around his feet.  I see his pain.  I hear his fear.  
I need to lay these burdens down before the one most high.  Yet this is so hard.

If you have never been in my place, please take a moment to thank the Lord for your healthy child.  

Speaking of health and children...Trenton had a visit to the ER last week and we found that he has a medical condition that could be serious, or nothing at all.  We are in the process of finding a specialist to help in this determination.  Another burden for my heart -- that I will lay at God's feet.

Stace hurt his back and has not had enough work to make ends meet.  We are down to the last leaves from the money tree.  No way to get food for the kids, and pay rent.  We were forced to go and apply for help today.  Not a fun burden to bear - so I will give this up too.  

I feel sorry for God.  How many burdens does he get laid at his feet a day?  Oh, I forgot -- HE can handle it.  He is almighty.  I smile when I think about how He can turn gray skies blue, clear storm clouds and place a bright shiny sun in their place.

How great is our God?  It would be amazing to be Him for a day!

Some days I feel so helpless.  Yet I am hopeful.  I have to be.  I have no other choice.

I am praying that you too, can unburden your heart along with me and lay all your heavy burdens at God's feet.  Today is today -- tomorrow is new.  Each new day brings Grace.

As Taylor would say, "Take it one day at a time, mom.  That is all you can do".


Friday, May 14, 2010

Icing on the cake...

What puts the icing on YOUR cake?  

I thought of this yesterday as I was locked in the bathroom 
{involuntarily locked in... I will add}.

I went in with only 30 minutes to spare before I went to pick up my 3rd son from school.  I throw my towel up over the shower glass and shut the door - as always.  

I took my shower and when I went to make my hasty exit found that the door was, well...broken.  It would not open.  I pulled and I yanked.  I juggled and I banged.  I then started yelling for my youngest son.  "Trevan!  Trevvvvvan!"  I shouted and banged on the door.  I then pounded on the walls.  NOTHING.

I then remembered that I had turned on the stereo and that he was in my bedroom watching T.V. - probably at a higher than normal volume to drown out my music coming from the stereo.  

GREAT!  Just Great.  My son would come out of school and sit on a brick wall waiting for me and I would be here...stuck in the steamy, teeny-tiny apartment bathroom.  I continued to bang and pound and shout.  

So many thoughts raced through my mind.  How long would it be before Trevan came looking for me?  When was my husband due home?  I could be locked in here for hours!  I could die of boredom!  I will be found naked in a towel too tiny to cover me, how traumatic for my loved ones!

I usually bring the phone into the bathroom when I take a shower "just in case someone calls..." 
OH, NO!  Not today!  A break in routine.  Hummm - okay God.  What do you want to talk to me about?  You have my full attention.  You really don't have to LOCK me in the bathroom to get my attention, I promise!

So, I sat.  I sat perfectly still and silent.  I started thinking, and thinking.  

I keep telling my oldest son, Taylor "God does not waste a hurt..."  

I then reflected on an incident that he just had with a counselor making fun of his weight.  He tried to go to the counselor to ask that he stop and the guy dismissed him and teased him further.  His anger bubbled over and he was threatened with release from the program.  He tried to do the right thing - and did not get the result he desired.  

I then called the Program Director who said because of this incident - policy would change.  A staff meeting was called and the counselor was dealt with -- THE ICING ON THE CAKE.  

So, as I thought of these things and continued to bang and knock and yell for Trevan I tried to find the icing on the cake.  

Hummm...nothing in here.  I paced back and forth and as I decided to "tidy up" I fluffed the bath mat only to find a missing earring!  Ah... THE ICING ON THE CAKE!

After what seemed like forever Trevan came to the door and tried to rescue me.  He could not get it open either!  GREAT...panic set in.  I quickly calmed down and talked my son through on how to get a butter knife and try to force the lock open.

Finally after my 25 minutes of confinement I was freed.  He wiggled and jiggled and finally forced it open.  ICING ON THE CAKE!

With only 5 minutes to dress and get to the school we made a mad dash.

As I pulled up to the school I found a front row parking spot - more ICING!

I saw my son sitting on the little brick wall waiting with his teacher.  I ran to them and apologized telling the teacher of my confinement.  She then asked if I had spoken to the Principal.  I had not.  She then told me that Turner had been told NOT to throw a rock and he did anyway.  He was teary eyed and asked if I was mad.  We made our way home and discussed the incident.

Upon returning home, I retrieved the message left by the Principal.  She was chuckling as she told me that Turner age 6 years old {who has aspergers} Got a citation and suspension from playground play for the next 3 days for throwing a rock (aimed at no one). When sent to the Principal's Office he told her - "Mrs. Boone told me not to throw the ROCK. You see, I did not throw a ROCK it was just a "pebble"...had she said "do not throw the pebble" I would not have thrown it!" 

THE ICING ON MY CAKE!  I so love this bright little boy I have been blessed with!  Gotta love a kid with a high IQ!   

I vow to go through my life trying to find the icing instead of grumbling over the crumbs.  Thanks God, for teaching me a lesson.


Like the grain of sand that lodges in an oyster shell and becomes a lovely pearl, the little irritations of life can bring the beauty of God's Splendor to your inner self...

layer by layer.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

All In His Time...

Trevan Noah - 5 {and a half years} old

Well, here I am.  Just 2 weeks away from my Fund raising Deadline for RWANDA.  The people who I thought would support me, have surprisingly not been my biggest fans!  Others have blessed me beyond measure!  God's timing - perfect.

I still have a little over $2400 to go and also need money for immunizations.  I will keep my faith.  This is God's Project - therefor he will provide all my needs.

I have been met with some opposition and a lot of curiosity as to the "why" we are going.  I thought this would be an appropriate time to "share" with all of you as to the "why" - here is my letter...

“Life isn’t how many years you live, but what you do with the life you are given.”

Dearest Friends and Family.

I know how busy our lives are and that time is precious, so I will try to keep this brief, yet; I have so much to share with you!

It is my prayer that when you receive this letter you are afforded the opportunity to pause, take a moment and really read it.

Some of you receiving this letter have known me since I was a child. Others, have shared special moments in my life, moments that have helped shape who I have become.
Yet, some of you I have never met, yet our paths have crossed by divine appointment. I am learning that God puts everyone in your life for a purpose. Nothing He does is by accident.

Trenton and I are traveling to Rwanda, Africa in July on a Mission Trip. It is not by chance that we are going, and the Lord already knows the work that will be done for His glory.

You see a few short years ago I thought of myself as just an ordinary wife and mother to 4 boys. I had known the Lord my whole life. I had tried to follow a good path, strayed away and then come back again. I had not done anything that I had thought was "special". I had no real "ah-ha" moments in my Christian walk. I told the women in my small group that I "had NO testimony." I was bothered by this as I took my first mission trip to the Indian Reservations in South Dakota. I had nothing to really "share" with these people. I was just me - no one special - someone without a testimony. Oh, how I wished I had a testimony!

I now know that you need to be very careful what you wish for.

A short time later the Lord gave me a testimony.

I lost a business that I had worked very hard to build and a friend in that process. It was painful and stretched me beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I learned humility, grace, understanding and forgiveness - some of which have taken me to this day to refine. During this painful time my son, Taylor was involved in a skateboarding accident that left him with a brain injury. While dealing with the turmoil of losing the business and my livelihood I was in the throes of taking care of a mentally impaired son that already struggled with drug addiction. Things went from bad to worse as I found myself slipping into a depression. I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. The days and months stretched on with nothing positive to offer. Taylor's addiction and violent outbursts grew severe.

Then two days before my 20th wedding anniversary I received the phone call that catapulted our lives into a downward spiral that was unthinkable. My husband had been involved in a roll over collision and nearly lost his arm. After several surgeries, he was unable to work. Not only was I forced to "come out of myself" to care for him, but I had to care for Taylor and my other three boys. I had no time to wallow in self-pity, no time to be depressed. The only thing I could cling to was HOPE. I could feel myself slipping away as I wondered who I really was. "Who am I becoming?" and "Why God?" were questions that I seeked answers for.  Our situation perplexed me.

With my husband unable to work we found ourselves being evicted from our home. Nearly everything we owned had to be sold, given away or placed in storage. Material possessions quickly lost their "value" as we fought to just hang on to the promise that tomorrow could bring. We had no idea where we would live. I moved through life on "auto-pilot" taking care of details with energy that could have only come from above. I never dreamed that I would become "homeless".  I thought of "homeless" people as helpless. 
Is this what we had become?

God provided. Strangers came together and put us up in a beautiful hotel that became our home for months. As we lived in 400 square foot of space not knowing at times where Taylor was because he had become addicted to drugs and alcohol we continued to HOPE and pray. I knew that the Lord had a plan. It was so hard to know what that plan was and to wait on His timing, but we had no other choice. We were blessed immeasurably by countless people who offered prayers, financial support and gifts. God's presence was very present in our day-to-day lives.

Through our trials we were blessed.

A year ago this month we were able to move into a small apartment in Irvine, CA. We moved here so that Turner could receive Special Education for his Autism Spectrum Disorder and diagnosis of Aspbergers. Over the past year while remaining hopeful and faithful that the Lord had a plan, Stace lost the job that he got as we moved from the Hotel. Taylor battled with drug addiction, mental illness, depression and alcoholism. His behavior grew worse each week and at times I did not know how we would go on. He was hospitalized 8 times within a year - trying to take his life or overdosing on drugs or alcohol. He would have such violent outbursts that the police had to be called countless times. Our family was traumatized time and again by his violence.

We felt like we were walking on egg shells and prisoner in our own home. We had to result to putting him in a homeless shelter, only to have him return a few weeks later after leaving and being attacked on the streets. He was arrested 3 times and help was not in sight.

On my birthday, the 16th of April I experienced a miracle.

We had one door then another slammed in our faces in an effort to get Taylor help. We had been scammed out of $2500 by a con artist posing to run a Christian REHAB facility. We were told after he was sentenced by the courts to REHAB that there was a 12 week waiting list which we placed him on. Twelve long weeks went by and as he was on formal probation he still abused drugs and alcohol without result . I received a phone call on the 15th telling me that he was being released from jail and had no where they could place him. He did not qualify for a homeless shelter due to his violence. He did not qualify for REHAB because of his mental illness. He was hopeless.

I ripped my heart out before God and told him this was HIS, not mine - as I was done. I could not handle this any longer. I had spent 4 hours on the phone as each person told me that they could offer nothing. I was told the court had no record of him being sentenced to REHAB. I was told by his social worker she had hit a brick wall and had nothing to offer. The Phoenix House told me that they do not accept Medi-Cal and that they did not even have him on the waiting list. I lost myself that day.  I gave up on trying to control my destiny and I totally surrendered to God.

Crying and spent I laid crumpled on the floor a total mess with my 5 year old helplessly looking on.

I then received a phone call minutes later that Taylor could be placed in the PHOENIX HOUSE REHAB the next morning.

It was nothing short of a full-fledged miracle.

My hope, my faithfulness and my perseverance - had all paid off. He had heard my cries and He answered, He did not leave me, nor forsake me.

You see my friend, THIS is why Trenton and I are going to RWANDA .

I now have a testimony. I am indebted to God.

I have to tell those who have lost their will and feel helpless, that their situation is not HOPELESS.

Total surrender is nothing that can be taught - it is a state of mind. Being brought to your knees before the one who is most high and letting go - is indescribable. I am far from perfect and make mistakes each day. What gets me through is knowing that I have hope and grace and a new fresh start each time the sun rises. Our God is a loving and forgiving God. He made us for a purpose. He made us to love Him.

Our lives are so far from perfect and at times I feel broken. God heals my broken heart, He holds it in the palm of His hand, he gives me the strength to go on. Trenton and I needed $8000 to travel to Rwanda. We have raised all but $2600. Our deadline is MAY 26th to have our additional funds!

You may have already donated to our trip financially and for that I am so grateful.

What I am asking is for you to pray and ask God how He wants you to help us.
We want you to be a part of this incredible experience whether it be through financial support or prayer support.

Below I have outlined some of our needs. I ask that you pray and let the Lord lead you. This is much bigger than you, much bigger than me.

God has brought us together to do great things for the greater glory of His kingdom. I feel honored to have you in our lives and would be so touched if you decided to embark on this journey with us!

God already knows what will happen and how this trip will touch the lives of so many. I hope that by sharing with you, some of what we have lived through, your life will be touched in a positive way.

It is my prayer that you too learn how to be satisfied with what you once thought could bring no satisfaction. I pray that you can find happiness in things that were once taken for granted. I pray that you find peace in solitude that at one time you may have thought to be loneliness. I pray you can find it in your heart to love the unlovable and find hope in the hopelessness. I pray that you too, will find the deep peace in living simply so that others can simply live. These are my prayers for you.

It is my hope that spending this time with my son, Trenton; that we can form a bond and a foundation that can not be broken. Please pray for blessings on this wish.

If you feel led to support us financially - here are our needs:

You can make a tax-deductible donation by sending a check made out to:
SADDLEBACK CHURCH with only the TRIP ID in the memo - Trip #6547
Please mail it to me:
Janean Lindner
51 Southbrook
Irvine, CA  92604

Trenton and I still need around $600 for Travel Immunizations. 

We also need financial support for necessities and expenses.
If you wish to support us personally - you can send a check made out to:
Janean Lindner

Many thanks to however you choose to bless us on our Mission!!
If you feel led to support us in Prayer - here are some requests:
Pray that we raise all necessary funds to go on the trip.
Pray for our family's finances.
Pray for our health, and Janean's continued weight loss.
(I am down 10 pounds with 10 to go before our trip)
Pray for our family as we prepare to leave - all the logistics of Stace caring for the little guys while we are gone.
Pray for Taylor's success in REHAB.
Pray for our team as we will face attacks from the enemy.
Pray for God's will in all of our lives.

Blessings -
Janean and Trenton Lindner

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Do you love without limits?

Do you know how to LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS? 

At first response you may say "Of Course!"  But do you really?

Jesus loves us unconditionally.  Do we love the people in our lives this way?  I have really been giving this a lot of thought.  Ask yourself this question - "Do I love others without limits?" 
You can get pretty deep on this if you take time to ponder HOW you love the people in your life.

Take your children.  One by one.  Think of how much you love them. 
The amount of love I have for my kids is immeasurable.  But, do I put limits on my love? 

Take your friends.  One by one.  Do you place limits on how much you love them?  Do they on you?

I know that I am guilty of protecting my heart.  I have been hurt.  I don't like to be hurt.  I hold back.  This is putting limits on my love.
I can give more to a stranger than I can to say, my husband.  I can give more to my kids than to a stranger.  LIMITS.

Interesting to think about, isn't it?

I think you can see this "Love Limiting" a bit more in our relationships with friends.  

I have friends that LOVE me hands down without limits.
I have others that I know put limits on how much they love me, as demonstrated in their word and actions.

I then have to ask myself "Why?"

Have they been hurt?  Are they holding back?  Have I not demonstrated that I can be the friend that they need me to be?
What can I do to allow them to "love me without limits"?

Going through life pointing fingers at others is no way to grow.  If you point a finger at someone - there are three pointing back at you.

As I prepare to go on Mission to RWANDA I have done a lot of "heart checking".  I know that the Lord uses situations in our lives, conflict especially, to grow us.

We have had our share of conflict with our son Taylor.  In his therapy he is learning who he is and why he has masked his pain with drugs and alcohol.  Self discovery is hard.

I have spent a lot of time in prayer.  I have asked God to show me in my hurts and pain the "WHAT".  What can I do, what can I learn and what can I take away from this pain to better myself.
God does not waste a hurt.  He uses our trials to refine us, but this only works if we are open to see what he wants us to.

I am going to work on my ability to LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS.  Not an easy task, but one that I think I can succeed at.  How about you?


Monday, May 3, 2010


Satan thinks he is good.  He can find that one thread that is tiny, fragile and pick at it.  He picks and picks until he has it in his ugly grasp.  He then starts to painfully pull that tiny string and slowly attempt to unravel the threads of our lives that have been knit together for the Glory of God's Kingdom.  

He can't stand to see something pure.  He wants NO Glory for God.  He wants to distract us from going down the path that leads us to righteousness.  He can unravel the fragile, delicate plans one thread at a time.  He is not mighty like our God.  He has to stoop to the depths of deception and evil.  

He will not will his battle with me.  He can unravel my tiny threads.  He can attack me.  He can attack my sons.  He can attack my business.  He can attack my friendships.  He can pull at me, one tiny thread at a time.  I feel like things are unraveling quickly.  I can panic.  I can run and hide.  I can give in, I can give up.  He forgets that I have a choice.  I have free will.  

My free will can not allow him to separate me from my God and unravel all of me. I am a creation that God has knit together.  He can not bind me with his chains.  I will lift my voice and cry out to the Heavens.  God will hear my cries and will not leave me in the depths of confusion.  Only He can erase these doubts.  I will lay my burdens down at His mighty feet.  Nothing is too big for MY God.  

So go ahead Satan, unravel my sweater.  I will let God's Glory resound!  I have warriors who will pray with me, their knees will bow.  Together we will bind you, Satan.  You pull my threads, unravel my sleeves.  I may have a vest when you are finished, but I will wear my vest proudly.  I will go forth boldly.  You can attempt to unravel me, but you will not ruin me.  


2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (GOD’S WORD Translation)

3Of course we are human, but we don’t fight like humans. 4The weapons we use in our fight are not made by humans. Rather, they are powerful weapons from God. With them we destroy people’s defenses, that is, their arguments 5and all their intellectual arrogance that oppose the knowledge of God. We take every thought captive so that it is obedient to Christ.