Thursday, January 28, 2010
Labels: Will there be a new chapter
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
At times I can do nothing but...PRAY.
Taylor missed the bus that was to take him from the Homeless Shelter to the Community Center where he was to stay from 9:00am to 3:00pm. He is not allowed back in the Shelter until 3:00pm. He has no money and made a collect call to us asking us to bring him money for food and take him from Anaheim to Santa Ana. I had to say a prayer and tell him "No."
Our actions have consequences and he needs to learn this. Tough as it is. Having Taylor removed from our home has taken a toll on the other 3 kids. They already miss Taylor and do not understand. Trevan thinks that if he is naughty we may take him and drop him off to live in another home, like we did yesterday with Taylor. They know Taylor has issues but at the tender ages of 5 and 6 have no comprehension of addiction and mental illness.
I told Trevan and Turner they can pray for their brother to be healed. I was so thrilled this morning when I got the email from the author of this new book - "This Little Prayer Of Mine". My boys have been learning to pray at Kids Small Group at Church and they are great little prayer warriors. I am so anxious to get this book for them.
Anthony DeStefano also wrote the books:
Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To…
Prayer will be a great source of comfort for us as we take yet another journey with our prodigal son, Taylor.
"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you..." Luke 15:21
We pray that the Lord returns our son to us - the fair haired blue eyed boy - the one who wanted to serve Jesus and become a Pastor when he was just 8 years old. Nothing is impossible with God - we know this and will cling to this promise as we take it one day at a time...
Jer 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ...
Labels: This Little Prayer Of Mine
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I am finding it hard to find the words to describe the feeling I have at this moment as I drive away from leaving my own flesh and blood in an Emergency Homeless Shelter. We found ourselves here in front of a large home in Anaheim. It is situated in a busy neighborhood. A black lab runs freely around the nearby cul-de-sac dragging it's front leg that is lame. A mailman is delivering the mail. We make our way into the "shelter" home to find it neat and tidy but not clean. The decor is dark wood paneling a look I remember from the 70's with a dark wooden floor that has dirt and leaves that has blown against the baseboards and collected there in a neat line. The large family room sports a big television and cloth sofa and love seat with a teal and peach tropical print from the 80's. The "manager on duty" was very nice and shared that she has been homeless for 4 months and will be moving soon to another home. A small frail lady comes around the corner speaking loudly "WHO IS HERE?" she shouts. Her large eyeglasses have slid down her small nose and her long gray hair is matted to her head. She seemed disoriented and awkward as we introduced ourselves. She in a flash turned and disappeared behind a wall.
Taylor looked at me in amazement with fear in his eyes. I knew with every fiber of his being he wanted to bolt for the door. I hugged him and he was staring me in the eyes begging me not to leave him there.
Our hand was forced by his lack of self control. The abyss of his addiction has plunged us to these measures. Last night he was hospitalized for the 8th time in less than a year. He shoplifted a bottle of gin and consumed nearly 750 ml. He grew horribly ill and we feared his body could not handle the flood of this poison. A week ago he tried to cut himself and was hospitalized. Hours after his release he was gone. He got high and intoxicated and was found wandering the street 3 miles from home. He was arrested on 1 count of "under the influence of a controlled substance". Saturday night he stole money from us and came home yet again high and drunk. We told him that enough was enough and we needed him to make a choice to get help or move out.
Sunday he got enraged when he wanted money and his father said "NO". He became physical with his dad and we knew that come Monday we needed to find a new plan to help him help himself. We called his Care Coordinator that was assigned after his first incident last March and he was to interview with Phoenix House this morning for re-hab placement. Before I could even tell him - he had slipped out to the store and stole the bottle of alcohol.
He was held last night and transferred this morning to a county evaluation center. This is the place that decides the fate of all people who have medi-cal or no private insurance. We were told that they are an emergency psych assessment facility and they do not feel he meets the criteria to receive help. He needs drug and alcohol treatment. We know this. The drug and alcohol treatment facilities will not take him because he is on meds for his mental health! No one will help us help our son - yet again.
We stood firm and told him - NO MORE. We could not have him come home again and run the risk of getting us evicted due to his behavior. We owe it to the other 3 kids to provide them with a safe, calm home. Not one where Taylor's unpredictable outbursts sends the little ones crying or puts any of them in harms way. We can't do it any more. Taylor breaks all the rules and pushes past all the boundaries.
He was left with no choice other than to agree to an Emergency Homeless Shelter as he awaits placement in a Crisis Residential Treatment Home. It could be a day - or two weeks. This place will then treat him for up to 3 weeks while he awaits a bed at a county run drug and alcohol rehab facility. He goes to court in a week and they may mandate rehab or jail.
It breaks my heart to know he thinks we are turning our back on him - but it is quite the opposite. We are doing what has to be done for the greater good. I only pray that one day the God shaped hole in his heart is filled by the Holy Spirit and he can see we acted out in love.
I can only pray that a day or two or perhaps a week to a month in a homeless shelter will make him realize that the rules at home were not so bad... Perhaps 30, 60 or 90 days now will allow him to live for years and years to come not bound by the ugliness of addiction and lack of self control.
A broken hearted mom...
"How blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to them!
I do not expect anyone to understand what choices we have made - as they have not walked a day in my shoes. I respect that everyone has an opinion and we are all entitled to that. Please extend kindness and grace and say a prayer for us...
Labels: Tough Love
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Labels: Own It
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Your attitude decides whether you are happy or not. You can change your attitude.
Happiness is a state of mind. More correctly put, it is the state beyond the mind.
It is our attitude that makes us feel happy or unhappy.
Your thoughts and worries hide away your happiness.
If you smile while you talk, you make people happy.
We really did nothing today and most would classify this day as boring. But I am happy. Happy to do nothing. Happy to be inside and warm and dry.
In a bit we will venture out - braving the rain and wind to go serve a mighty God. He has called us to serve - so for that I am happy. I am happy to go and happy to comply. I will greet my KSG Kids with a smile and let them know how happy I am that they came.
Tonight we are learning about Heaven and what Heaven may be like. It is after all the HAPPIEST place ever!
I hope that where ever you are - you are safe, warm and happy. Remember...Happiness is but a state of mind!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Labels: Rainy Days
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The Armor of God10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
I have to rest in the word and know that "I can do all things thorough Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
So, no. Just because I profess to be a follower of Christ am I automatically protected from evil. What I do have is faith and hope that the Lord will never leave me nor forsake me. He has me in the palm of His hand and He loves my son more than I ever could. So with that knowledge I am forced to turn him over to God and believe that He will help push us up this mountain.
It is not easy. It is not fun. Being a parent is one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever experienced. But the joy can be overwhelming at times too. It is a give and a take.
So I am giving my son over to God so that I may take the joy, or grief that comes. Whatever will be - will be. It is all in God's plan.
Help me. Pray for me to have strength to deal with the things that need to be dealt with. Pray for us to be strong and help Taylor.
Labels: Armor of God
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
How often in life are you so wrapped up in YOU that you forget to notice the things and people that are beyond you? Yesterday is gone forever, tomorrow may never come so today is all we really have.
I know that I spend a lot of time wondering, worrying and planning things that may or may not happen beyond today. I have really learned a lot as I have gotten older and have been put through a few fires. I still struggle though to enjoy the here and now from time to time.
Today on this warm 70 degree day in January I kicked off my shoes and went to get Turner from school barefoot. Trevan went along happily leaving his shoes behind. When my feet hit the soft green grass I stopped and took a moment. I allowed myself to feel the coolness and damp soft grass beneath my feet. If only for a moment...but I enjoyed that moment. We got Turner from class and had him too kick off his shoes. We then raced through the grass together laughing and giggling. These are the moments that count. Going beyond myself and sharing these moments with my kids.
I know people who are so self absorbed that they can't enjoy moments such as these. They are so consumed with appearances, their status, their homes, etc. It saddens me that people I know and care about can't take time to go beyond and enjoy life around them. Not only is it richly rewarding and satisfying it is a stress buster! I find when I take a deep breath and make an effort to "live life" as it comes I am fulfilled beyond measure.
God blesses us each day with hundreds of great blessings - how many do we take the time to really appreciate?
Tomorrow is a new day. If it comes, take the time to go beyond YOU and drink in some of life's rich blessings - where ever and how ever they come!
Labels: Beyond you
Monday, January 11, 2010
What a great year this is shaping up to be! I know we are only 11 days in - but hey...gotta be optimistic!
We had a great time at Disneyland on Friday - it was the boys second time going. We went with my mom, Chloe, Megan, Trudi and Mari. The kids were 3 and 4 last time we got to go and now being old and wise at ages 5 and 6 they had a super time! They braved many of the roller coasters
(and mom did too) and had a blast. We were there 13 hours and not one melt down! It helps tremendously that we are allowed a special pass that allows us to get right on the rides! We waited longer in lines for our meals than we did to ride any given ride! The boys can't wait to go again...Turner did not care for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and wishes to do without that one in the future!
Sunday Trenton and I had our second Mission Trip Training and we are happy to report that we were able to turn in our deposit money! We got more than the required $1000 and now need to raise $4000 by March. We have a small head start on that goal which makes me so happy! We got our trip assignments last night and we will be traveling on the second team July 8th to the 23rd. We couldn't be more pleased with our team! It is so exciting! We now have to get passports and raise money for our immunizations which are very costly. Pray for our fund raising efforts! We are busy brainstorming now to find a way to raise the over $6000 more that we need! Email me with any ideas you have!
If you wish to help support us - make a check out to SADDLEBACK CHURCH and mail it to us at:
28715 Los Alisos Blvd Ste 7-348
Mission Viejo, CA 92692
NO DONATION IS TOO SMALL! Dollars add up! We need all the help we can get!
Trenton and I are leaders of a Kids Small Group on Wednesday nights - we teach Class 101, How to Know Jesus. I am so pleased that 5 of our kids are going to be baptized! We just had Baptism Class on Wednesday and we had over 200 kiddos attend class and 125 that are ready to Baptized for the first time! WOW! Praise God! It is such a special moment - I can't wait to be there and witness this!
My goal is to get in shape for RWANDA and try to lose 1 pound a week until we go. I am already down 4 pounds - so wish me luck and say some prayers for my endurance! I do not relish exercise!
Have a great day - I am off to do some fund raising! I am so excited to go to Africa!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Labels: Swan Lake
Monday, January 4, 2010
Happy 65th Birthday to my MAMA~
OKAY - here is my LIST...
( I reserve the right to revise this list on a whim!)
My goals are to...
Concentrate of Growing Spiritually
Raise funds needed to go to RWANDA
Deepen Friendships by spending quality time with people
"Weed" my friend garden
Say "No" more often
Become financially secure
Recharge my marriage and home life by communicating more
Lose 1 pound a week from now until June
Reduce, Reuse and Recycle
Clean out all the Closets
Dig deeper into the technical aspects of photography
Grow my business
Invest in myself
Concentrate more on the "here and NOW" not on "what MAY be"
Take more risks by "putting myself out there" more and not playing it safe
To be more organized
I wish ...
To be less stressed
To be able to afford a larger place with Washer and Dryer (the coin operated community laundry room is killing us!)
To buy some new photo equipment
To be able to "enjoy" exercise
To experience more beauty in nature and take more photo expeditions
To Travel more this year
My dream is...
To have no regrets
To reconnect with old friends
To become all that I can be
To be proud of myself
To realize all my goals and wishes
Labels: Happy New YOU