Thursday, January 14, 2010

Climbing a mountian...

My ROMEO - who lives with my parents now...

Today is a curl up in your jammies and snuggle with your puppy kind of day.  Unfortunately I won't be doing that.  I feel like I could - and wish that it was an option.

Yesterday while in the shower I was pondering over a conversation that I had recently had with someone.  They do not have a strong relationship with Christ and they told me that I was so lucky.  When I inquired as to why they felt this way their answer surprised me.  They said - you are "SO Christian" and therefor you are protected from bad things happening.  

I had to laugh which I think startled them.  I said - I use to think this way about people to a degree, but now I know otherwise.  It seems the closer you get to the Lord and the harder you try to walk on the right path the enemy is after you even more.  

We are going on Mission to Africa.  I have been on 2 other mission trips and know that as the plans come together the enemy works hard to stop the good from happening.  The first time I experienced this it was surreal.  I had heard that this happens - but had not lived it.  It is very real.

I was feeling good that nothing so far has come up since Trenton and I took the leap of faith and made the commitment to go to Rwanda this summer.  I was feeling too good.  Then the other shoe dropped a few hours later.  Taylor who has struggled for a long while suffered a setback and a situation occurred yesterday.  It was very emotionally draining and try as I may to protect all my kids sometimes you just can't.

Taylor was taken to the hospital where he is now and we are going to have another mountain to climb with him.  As a mom it does not matter how old your child is - you still have the innate desire to protect them and help them in any way possible.  When a child suffers mental illness and addiction there are no "mommy fixes".  It kills me to sit by and watch my son struggle just to go on each and every day.

The enemy.  He is attacking me through my family.  He is trying to weaken my core.  I will not let him succeed.  It says in Ephesians 10 -20 :
The Armor of God
 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
 19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

I have to rest in the word and know that "I can do all things thorough Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

So, no.  Just because I profess to be a follower of Christ am I automatically protected from evil.  What I do have is faith and hope that the Lord will never leave me nor forsake me.  He has me in the palm of His hand and He loves my son more than I ever could.  So with that knowledge I am forced to turn him over to God and believe that He will help push us up this mountain.

It is not easy.  It is not fun.  Being a parent is one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever experienced.  But the joy can be overwhelming at times too.  It is a give and a take.  

So I am giving my son over to God so that I may take the joy, or grief that comes.  Whatever will be - will be.  It is all in God's plan.

Help me.  Pray for me to have strength to deal with the things that need to be dealt with.  Pray for us to be strong and help Taylor.