I am in a fog today.
My mind feels like a cluttered attic with dusty items crammed in the corner - some that I need to keep others - just tossed out. I have so many tasks to be completed - so many things that are "up in the air". I feel like my brain could actually implode.
Being a mom is a full time job. Trying to be my best at my "paying job" is a task in it's self. Being a wife - well - let's not open that can of worms! Moving - we all know is one of the most undesirable things a person can do - all the packing, sorting and just the physical demands are revolting! Trying to wait on God's plan and see where we are suppose to move - well - this is a challenge that I am having a terrible struggle with.
Don't get me wrong - I love adventure - but this is torture! I am snowed under with paperwork that needs to be done. I am not a person who has "worked the system" - so I am very unfamiliar with what needs to happen. Tomorrow I have to meet with Social Security to aide Taylor and Stace in applying for disability benefits. Today I have to find the names of each and every doctor that they have both seen in relation to their respective accidents. Tomorrow I need to balance going to their appointments and going into work. Next week on the 17th we are going to court to be evicted. No legal council - no idea of what is to come.
Our grand ideas of having a yard sale have been drowned by the rain both last weekend and this weekend. I still have boxes and boxes to sort through. Eliminating clutter and scaling down. This does feel good - but wears me out! My mom is faithful to help each day but I feel so badly as I see her tire. I know this is a sad and frustrating ordeal for her - as she is like me. We are "fixers" we like to fix things and make things right in everyone's world.
This monster is one we can not fix - this one is all Gods!
One thing I have learned - is that we are not in control of much in this world. The one and only thing I am in control of is MY ATTITUDE. Although I am weary, worn and tired - I will attempt to plow through this all with a good attitude. Not scream out "Why me?" not scowl and scream at all I come into contact with. I will try to maintain a positive outlook, smile when I don't feel like it and dig deep to fantasize great thoughts about what t is to come.
When the sun is smiling down on us - the air is fresh and crisp my blue eyed boy smiles up at me, how can I not be filled with joy?
My situation is NOT joyful - but my heart can be.
I chose joy. It does not choose me.
My situation may have chose me but I do not have to let it conquer me. I will hold fast to my strength and praise God in this storm. For He is who He is and He has made me, ME.
I want to be the best Me I can be. One day at a time...
So here goes...off to do a mountain of work and try to smile all the while...
Wish me luck - go about your day too, and choose JOY!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Labels: choose joy...