Thursday, June 18, 2009

Endings and New Beginnings...

Today Chloe is Graduating! What once was a little girl whom I enjoyed very much has now become a young woman with a new journey ahead. She has loved my little guys since they were born and has been such a savior to us along with Megan the past years. She and Megan are their "Boy Sitters" and love them, spoil them and give me much needed love and support.

I had prayed for them a long time ago. When Taylor was just 3 years old I met
LaTisha. She at the time was 12 years old. She came to my home and worked in my in-home day care. She had such love, caring, kindness and a way with kids. When Trenton was born she was my "one and only". She was the only one who was their official care giver and I trusted her and loved her with all my heart. We even took her on our first family vacation out of state and we all had a blast. She is married now and is Mrs. LaTisha Ortiz. She is due to give birth any day now to her first blessing whom she is naming Audri.

I was so sad when we moved and the boys missed her terribly. The Lord has been good and has blessed us with Chloe and Megan. I have known Megan since the day she was born. She to me is my niece. We are not related by blood - but by love. I knew her mom when she was just a tiny girl and sadly her mom has struggled with addiction like Taylor. Megan has had the blessing of being raised by her Auntie Vicki, who is the sister to my high school boyfriend, Gene. After Gene and I broke up - our families remained closely knit. We have all been one big "family" since I was just 15.

Today Megan is finishing her Junior Year and is Officially becoming a SENIOR! Congratulations to my "Girls" for all their hard work in school and for all the
accomplishments they have made the past years as I have watched them turn from "girls" to women.

This is an exciting and emotional time. Turner finished his first year of Kindergarten. Next year his little brother will
embark upon the journey he just completed. They have a "love hate" relationship and are as opposite as oil and water. They make my life exhausting, but filled with challenges, priceless moments and love. I pray we make wonderful memories and use the summer to learn lots about the world around us.

Since I am on the subject of the kids in my life I should give kudos to my challenging, but very much loved teenager Trenton. He seems to get lost in the shuffle although I do my best to meet his needs. He is loving and kind when he chooses to be. His younger brothers are more of an irritant to him than sandpaper on soft skin. He banters with them, argues, and tries to parent them - which only causes battles and opposition. He has suffered a lot this past year and his grades for 7
th grade were just horrific. I pray that as he goes to a new school next year and makes new friends he will find a new way - a new beginning. My heart breaks for him as we enjoyed being involved with his love of football the past 2 years. This year due to our circumstances we did not have the money to sign him up again. He is sad and I think deep down a bit resentful that he can not join his friends in the sport he loves so. I am sorry - honey.

Now - as for an update on Taylor. I saw him last night and he is feeling physically terrible as I am sure the with drawls from the daily drug abuse that his body has grown so accustom to is wrecking him. He is mentally distressed, confused and longs for assurance, reassurance and answers. He
vacillates from rational talking to anger and nonsense. I am sure this is part of the process. I try to remain a constant to him. I listen. I cry. His angry comments and laying blame where it is clearly not due hurts me - but I try to remember you can not reason with the unreasonable. He hates himself and I know he is lashing out at the ones he loves most. He does not feel worthy of love. He does not believe in him - but I do. Keep him in your prayers as I continue my mission to get him the help he very much deserves. His heart is golden and I know he is a child of God. I know God has a grip on him weather he likes it or not. I will not give up on him - now or ever.This photo was taken before his accident - his face now - thin, eyes empty. His body tall and lean - much too thin. I want the boy in the photo back. My Taylor - my first born - my first love. I will fight every step of the way - to save him from himself.

Join Me In My Fight - PLEASE!