Saturday, June 27, 2009


Taylor was transferred out of the ICU to the Med/Surg Floor last night. We were told we were to await the PET TEAM to come and evaluate him for transfer to a Psych Facility. They said that the person would arrive by 9:00pm.

9:00pm came and went and by nearly 11:00pm my body had been without sleep for more than 48 hours. I was nearing medical exhaustion. I was shaky, groggy, weak and highly agitated. I demanded answers and we found that someone accidentally put in the notes that he needed a "PET SCAN" not a PET ASSESSMENT. The hospital had been searching in vein for doctors orders for a PET SCAN that did not exist. I pleaded with them and told them I could not go on much longer - then needed to "fix" things and get the ball rolling. I had spoke to UCI earlier and they had a bed and were willing to have Taylor return. In order for that to take place the PET Team had to assess him and arrange the transfer.

Frustration like I had never felt had welled up inside me and together with the exhaustion was consuming every fiber of my being. I attempted to "keep it together" but tears spilled down my face and my voice raised as I spoke. Seeing that I was going to need to be taken to the Psych Hospital along with Taylor if someone did not do something - they suggested I leave to get rest.

Taylor did not want to be alone - he is like a child. He is scared and does NOT want to go back again. This will be his FIFTH time in less than 8 weeks. I told him that my mom would take me home and that I would send Stace back. They assured me that the PET evaluator would be there by midnight.

I climbed the stairs to my apartment feeling as though I was going to collapse. Stace went to the hospital and I crawled into my bed. I do not even remember laying my head on the pillow...I was deep in slumber. I awoke at 3:30am and did not see Stace home, I called the hospital to find that the PET Team had not come until after 2:00pm. They wanted to transfer him and needed to then get ETS the transport team involved. They had not let Stace know anything at that time.

Back to sleep I went. My body melted into the sheets and I felt as though I were a part of the bed. My physical body craved the rest but my mind was still swirling. I woke again at 6:30am and again called Stace. He said that because it had taken so long to get him assessed - UCI Beds were now all full. As a matter of fact Taylor would have to go to whatever place had a bed. He said they were "working on it".

It is now 11:00am and no facility in Orange County that accepts Medi-Cal has a bed available. Kaiser does not want him there as he is not part of the Kaiser network. They may have to transfer him to another hospital to be watched until there is a bed - any bed available in the County.

Problem is - he will go someplace - they will keep him 3 days. He will eat, sleep and get meds for THREE days - then out he will go. They will do what they have done 4 other times - send him off - wish us well and this madness will all happen again and again until he dies or hurts someone and ends up in jail.

No help for the helpless. No help for the weary. No help for the sick.

I pray that you will NEVER have to experience even a fraction of the heartache that we are feeling with the sheer and utter madness of a system that was put in place to help people but rather it hurts people instead.

I have 2 little guys to make lunch for - and I am seeing double. Every muscle in my body aches - and I just want to sob. I want to make it all better and I know I can't .

Helpless exhauston.