Being an only daughter - the oldest of three - I think that I took on the roll of leader, protector and fixer of all things. As a mom - that too, is our job. After all tests that the Lord has put me through I finally got the message.
I need to scoot aside and let God help me row. I can not fight the strong currents of life alone. As many times as I try - He ultimately reminds me who is the strong leader, the protector and fixer of all things.
I am going to assume my position - the one of passenger and let God row my boat. No matter how strong I think I am - he is stronger - he is almighty.
In dealing with a child that has mental illness and addiction it is more and more clear to me as I face challenges that are far bigger than I and much greater than my understanding.
I remembered a poem that my mom carried in her bible when my brother was a very sick baby. I reflect on it - during this time where my son's issues are not within my control. He is - after all on loan to me from God. He loves him much more than I, and that is a concept that is very hard for me to comprehend. I would give my life for him.
I am happy to report that we are taking baby steps and Taylor is on a path to hopefully - recovery. As with any illness and addiction there will be set-backs and triumphs. We will take them as they come and be thankful for each tiny step.
I will continue to keep you posted - and appreciate all your prayers, kind emails and gestures. I am blessed to have the friends that the Lord has put into my life. I truly cherish all my relationships. Here is that poem...I hope it touches you like it does me!
"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine," He said.
For you to love - while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care or him for Me?
He'll bring his smiles to gladden you,
And should this stay be brief
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked this world over
In search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd
Life's lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor count the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to
Take him back again?"
I fancied that I heard then say,
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that come
And try to understand."