Monday, July 6, 2009


Today marks the 22nd day of Taylor's sobriety - with illegal drugs and alcohol. We have been advised not to count the accidental overdose on his prescription meds. He needs to succeed and the professionals said that for him to make the choices not to use alcohol and illegal drugs is a positive step in the right direction. We do not want him to feel defeated with the last incident as he said it was accidental. He has been in our home since Wednesday.

Things were a bit too much for me to handle - it seems all of my suppressed anger and frustration has taken a toll finally on my emotional and physical state. Dealing with someone who suffers from mental illness and addiction is single handed the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Being that he is my child it compounds matters tenfold. Trust is a issue with us, anger an issue with him. Frustration is an issue for us all.

I got my nieces and nephew off to their Great Aunt and Uncle so that they could enjoy a nice 4th of July Holiday with their side of the family. I spent the past few days so drained that all I could do is sleep. I went to my parents home and just curled up in bed with the ceiling fan on and my body swaddled in soft sheets. I would wake, eat and then go back to my slumber.

I am back home now - my lil boys missed me. I spent the day taking Taylor to a doctor appointment at 10:30 am then to group therapy at 11:00am then off to see his Care Coordinator at 12:00. Doing all of this with 2 little ones in tow is interesting to say the least.

We came home and ate lunch. Taylor gets bored and does not understand why I will not just drop everything and drive him to RSM to see his friends. I do not think it a good idea - for one and it is 20+ minutes one way. We do not have the money for gas - let alone feel like being a shuttle service for him. He does not "get it" - really. He says he is bored and that I just don't understand - he can see his old friends and he will not be tempted to use. He thinks that we are just waiting for him to fail.

It is quite the opposite. I want more than anything for his success - more than he can know.

My active boys - are getting on my shred of a nerve that I have left - jumping about and wrestling with each other. Boy I wish we had a huge yard that I could send them out to romp in!
Maybe one day - I will have one for my grand kids to frolic in!

Off to think about dinner - the thought alone - makes me want to curl up in bed...

Thanks for your prayers and sending me "missing you" wishes and prodding me to blog. I had no idea how many of you read my blog! Thank you for your support - I mean it!

PS - no news yet on the $2500 refund - we have a lawyer on it and I have filed claims - thanks for asking - so many of you!