There are times in life when you need to blow off some steam and this is one of them. My day today started off with the storm clouds of life looming overhead. I try very hard to remain an optimist but there are days where I falter. So if you are reading this - I am sorry - but I am gonna let off some steam!
Perhaps I am just tired. Having to be responsible for 4 boys and myself is a tiring job. I try to do all that I do with an attitude of service. I am serving my kids and family and get satisfaction in knowing that they are being taken care of. Our week is packed with school and church activities and I have tried not to over schedule.
Turner is doing well at his new school in his Special Day Class and is thriving. Praise the Lord. This is why we moved to Irvine - to get him special services so he could succeed.
Now for Trevan...
Trevan is off to a rough start. In my minds eye I thought that Kindergarten was a year where children came to "learn" the fundamentals. Preschool is not a state requirement and if schools expect kids to come to Kindergarten reading and writing then the state should mandate preschool. I was not in a position with all that was going on with our life to be able to work with Trevan intensely or be able to afford to put him into preschool. Now I am faced with the guilt of setting him up to fail.
Perhaps I am being sensitive. But when he went for his "Kindergarten Assessment" and I was told that he was not what they were looking for I felt he was doomed. He comes home with RED notes stating that he needed "Teacher Support". Okay - well - he is just learning. Who doesn't need support when trying a new task like holding a pencil and learning how to write? He sits still in class - follows directions well - participates and is not disruptive.
I went into the office after getting yet more negative notes on his papers yesterday. He also "marked on another student's journal page" and was punished. Now I am not saying he is an angel - but is he not allowed to be a typical 5 year old? Is he not afforded to opportunity to LEARN?
I was given some programs to call on this morning. I called to find out that I am screwed. I am frustrated in the fact that I can not pull him out of Kindergarten and place him in a HEAD START Program because he is already 5. They will not take him unless he is 4. SO my option is to PAY $200 every 10 weeks for a 2 day a week - 2 hour a day program called "Kindergarten Readiness". He can only attend this if he is NOT enrolled in school. Okay - super - what if I do not have the money??
I started to cry when I was given one answer after the other that was less than helpful. Does the lady on the other end of the phone care that I have already gone head to head this morning with a six year old who did not want mini-wheats for breakfast? Does she know that he wanted me to drive through McDonalds - which we never do - and buy him cini-mini's?? When I told him we did not have money for that he cried and told me to "get a job" like his friend's moms! Does she not know that my 5 year old threw himself on the floor in a crying mess because the shoes that the school requires him to wear pinch his heels? Does she know that I had no Splenda for my beloved coffee and I am functioning without my boost of caffeine? Can she know that I have already driven 3 kids to 2 different schools and have been up since 6am? NO!
I stopped to compose myself and thank her for her less than useful information. She offered to call around and get answers for me - which I appreciated. I finally found out that this problem is the schools responsibility. My son from the age of 5 to age 18 by law is afforded the opportunity of an education and that is their job - to educate. So, now I am waiting to hear from the Principal and School Psychologist for a meeting date.
WHEW! So many things to handle so early in the morning makes my head spin. I am not a morning person, although I am forced to be.
My poor husband is working himself to the bone - now 6 days a week and we are barely scraping by. We no longer receive any help from the state as we did the year following his accident. Food is a rare commodity in the house - the kids eat so much - I am shocked! We need a cow - to keep up on the milk consumption. I have continued to apply for jobs for Taylor and Stace to no avail. Trenton has gotten taller and needs new clothes and shoes. Taylor has gained SO much weight from being clean and sober that he too has grown a size or two and needs pants and tees. It is endless.
I continue to pray. I continue to have faith. I continue to hope. I know God is with us. He will not forsake us. He has gotten us this far and know He has a mighty plan. So I will stop wallowing in the storms of life - look for the clearing in the gray clouds and embrace the sunshine.
I am determined. I am stubborn. I am driven. I will succeed. I will be an advocate for my son. He will learn to read and write and I will help him every step of the way! There may be some thunder and lightening but there will be a rainbow at the end of this storm - I promise!