Thursday, October 22, 2009

Can we just rewind?

10:00 am 

Here I sit - for a 3-4 hour "process" applying for help for my family.  Don't get me wrong.  I am happy that there IS help available.  What is sad is that my husband and I have to be here in the first place.  I know we are not alone.

It is not personal.  We are intelligent individuals who possess talents and we are employable.  Finding employment is the mountain that we must try to climb once again.  Perhaps God accidentally hit rewind on the DVR of our lives.

"Hello God?  I know you are really busy.  Perhaps by mistake, you hit the rewind button on accident.  You see, Stace has lost his job and we have no income like a year ago.  Trevan who is 5 has started throwing temper tantrums and having crying jags like a 2 year old.   Turner can't sleep at night because he is afraid we will lose our home again. Trenton who once had all good grades is now failing again in school.  Taylor who was clean and sober is now backsliding and using again.  Then there is me.  I am feeling sad and depressed like I did a while ago.  I am sure you did it by accident, so if you could just hit fast forward and return things to the way they were...we'd really appreciate it."

If only.  If only it was that easy.  I know God loves us and would accommodate my request.  For some reason there is something He is trying to tell us.  I just wish it would be revealed!  Life, is so perplexing. 

Halloween is just a week away.  A "holiday" I could do without.  I have always hated the "day of the dead" and have not really seen the benefit of dressing in costume to go get loads of sugar to rot one's teeth.  BUT, my kids are looking forward to this night.  The problem is, they want costumes that I can't buy.  They want to look cool at school and dress the part.  I tried to explain that the costumes they want cost a lot of money.  It is not practical to spend that kind of money for one night.  Little Trevan said - "Well then, what can we be that does not cost money?"  Turner replied, "I know!  A GHOST.  We can cut 2 holes in a blanket, but NOT MY BLANKET!  Then wa-lah!  We will be Spooky Ghosts!"  Kids are so awesome!  Now finding 2 white blankets or sheets to make into GHOSTS will be my challenge!  In years past I would have spent hours crafting and sewing costumes.  Not this year.  Times are different.

All we really want is to be able to provide stable, happy homes for our kids.  Why is life so tough?  I can't imagine how things will be when our boys are our age.  I pray that this world changes for the better so that they will not find themselves in this upward battle to seek stability and happiness.

Still line to apply for "benefits".  Benefits I never thought I would have to rely on to provide medical coverage and food for my kids. 

I'll keep you posted on the hour and 7 minutes wait so far...