Sunday, January 18, 2009


Well, kick me when I am down. I have spent hours and hours applying for jobs. I have gone on interviews. There are way more people who need jobs than there are jobs available. My little three day a week job is not cutting it and now this week I did not even get to work! I woke up with a raging bladder infection and as the day went on I started getting a fever, muscle aches and then by night I was so violently ill. I was passing out, and my body was rejecting any and all food and drink that had gone in and literally shooting it out both ends. My poor husband woke up to find me passed out on the bathroom floor where I had fallen face first off the toilet. I hit my head and bit the inside of my cheek. He got me back on the pot and without warning projectile vomit came fast and furious all over him. I have NEVER been so sick. This went on for nearly an hour and I passed out 3 times. He wanted to call 911 but we could not get a hold of my mom to stay with the kids. I thought I was dying. I saw the "light" and thought - wow Lord - is this really the way I am going to go?

Needless to say - I am exhausted - weak and ready to throw in the towel. I am sorry that I am not a ray of sunshine - but I am so tired - so very - very tired of this battle. We keep being told that the Lord must have mighty plans - I hope that is so - here I am - flat on my face - waiting....