Wednesday, January 21, 2009

You know life sucks when you can't even do a "bubble bath" right...

I had received many suggestions today as to what to do to relieve stress. The suggestions ranged from the deranged to the mildly doable. My BFF Candy always takes bubble baths. I decided to follow her lead. I thought I'd go out on a limb and try something that I had never done before in the tub. **Get your mind out of the gutter, and stay with me here**

I decided to take some magazines that I have not gotten a minute to look at into the tub. I went up and made it very clear to all 5 men in the house that I was taking a bath - alone. No one was to knock unless there was blood or death. No one was to pick the lock to come in, no one was to slip notes under the door - or else!

I got my bubbles going good an strong using HOT water and Trevan's Bath Blizzard bubble making machine. I got undressed and was quite pleased at the appearance of the hot steaming oversized tub filling up with a massive amount of bubbles. I tested the water and it was just perfect. Then I got in...

Apparently as I slid the door open one of Turner's super hero figures got knocked into the tub. As I lowered myself carefully into the tub I felt a strange sensation as I sat down. It did not feel good - it was a sharp, stabbing right where the sun don't shine. I quickly reacted and reached back to find Spiderman's leg had slipped right into my rear end. OUCH! Not my idea of a good time! Neither he nor I will ever be the same. As I quickly dislodged him I slid to my side losing my balance. My foot went up and I caught my big toe square in the bath spout. Whamo number 2. I thought to myself - geez I almost died on the toilet the other night - now I am gonna die in the tub!

As I threw my arms to the side of the tub to balance and pry my toe out of the spout I knocked my magazines into the water! There went the latest Victoria's Secret Clearance Sale, my new issue of Photography Magazine and Cookie. Darn! I had not even glanced at them.

Now I was mad. Not only had I been violated by Spiderman, my toe was bleeding and now my reading materials were lost to the abyss of my tub. I should have quit then - got out cashed in the whole "bubble bath idea". But NOOOOOOOO. I was determined. I reached for the shampoo only to find it was almost gone. I tipped it upside down and violently shook it to get it to come out. In doing so I was squeezing with all my might - taking out my anger and POW a huge glob along with an air bubble forced it's way out exploding into my eye.

Now I was blind! I rinsed and rinsed - blurred but recovered. I then decided to condition my hair only to grab face scrub in the process. At least my locks are gloriously exfoliated. As I was trying to enjoy a moment - just one - tiny moment - Trevan knocks on the door VERY loudly - begging to come in. I said emphatically "NO!" he then pulled the "I have to go to the baaaaaaaath roooooooooooom" card. "NO! I am taking a bath - use the other one!" He then tells me that they are in use. I did not buy it for a moment. Then he pulls the "I have to poop! NOW!! and I can't make it!"

Sheesh - can't a girl take a quiet bubble bath? Just a nice relaxing - bath? Out of the tub I fly. Not taking a moment to dry off - just hitting the door to avoid disaster in my son's drawers.

He then looks up at me and says "HA! HA! Just Kidding! I knew that would get you out of the bath and let me in!"

Just my luck - what more can I say???