Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Coming Apart...

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Yesterday morning I felt myself coming apart at the seams. I could not stop the tears from coming. Having been very ill - then dealing with the chaos of Taylor's mental illness and drug addiction, and having the neighbors call the sheriff's out again - put me on the tip of the jagged edge. I felt as if I took a deep breath it would be enough to crumble the tiny edge I was holding on to and send me tumbling into the abyss of no return. Half minded - this sounded good to me. To crack up. If I allowed myself to crack-up - or fall down - or fall off, at least there would be a new scene. A new perspective on things. But - what a mess. I hate messes.

I called the doctor, as my bladder infection had gotten worse - and I knew I needed something for anxiety. I was having chest pains and had a hard time catching my breath. I was getting to the point where I cared about everything then nothing in the same millisecond. I could tell I needed help. I went in and found out that my normally LOW - LOW blood pressure was VERY high for me. He was concerned about me having a heart attack. He has given me meds for anxiety and wants to monitor my blood pressure daily to see if the medicine will help bring it down. I go back in 3 days. I was also given meds for my bladder and they are running a culture to see what type of infection I have. He was also curious as to what made me so ill so they ran a test to determine what that was...

I was invited by an old friend to an Al-Anon meeting last night. I went and met some wonderful people. I am thankful that she cared enough to ask me to go with her. It is a support group for people who are living with addicts. I feel they have wonderful tools to help me and I intend to tap into this resource.

Pray for my health - pray for our living situation - pray for jobs to come our way. Pray for Taylor - just pray for us all...
Pray I can keep on keeping on...

Thank you my faithful friends.

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